Flailing Awkwardly

I had a super awkward moment today.

Almost as awkward as that time I thought it would be fun to spin around as fast as I could in our backyard, then try to run in a straight line. I pretty much ran sideways and tripped over my feet and landed on my face, then realised the elderly woman next door was watching the whole thing. I hope she thought I was on drugs because the fact that I was sober makes it even more embarrassing.

Anyway, I was walking along the street happily daydreaming, which means my eyes were probably glazed over and I looked like I could possibly have psychiatric problems. A woman in her car kindly stopped to let me cross at the pedestrian crossing. As I walked past the front of her car, I turned to give a quick friendly wave to say ‘thanks’ but instead half-stumbled and half-threw myself off balance, which resulted in my arms wildly flailing up in the direction of the poor woman’s car. I recovered and awkwardly tried to keep walking normally, desperately trying to avoid eye contact and pretending like it had never happened.

Just before the woman drove off, I looked up and caught a glimpse of her staring at me like she was terrified I would do the insane arm-waving thing again. Perhaps she thought it was some form of insult or that I had just cursed her first-born child or something.

I leave you with the strangest thing I have heard in the last week. Upon asking my friend what she would do if I died, she replied without hesitation “I would skin you and use you as a blanket.” I am going to avoid her next winter in case she gets cold and decides to slaughter me.