Offending People and Being Old Before Your Time

Sometimes when I’m talking to people I say things without really thinking about them first. The result is usually hilarious and often offensive. For example, yesterday I was with some friends when my friend Hannah said “do you guys know what song Rihanna should sing?”, to which I replied “Hit Me Baby One More Time?”. Needless to say, Hannah was furious (she is a huge fan of Rihanna apparently, which makes me reconsider being friends with her), but I stand by my suggestion.

Also I swear that I am going deaf and getting senile at the ripe of 20. Occasionally when having a conversation with someone, I simply cannot make out what they are saying and end up nodding enthusiastically, hoping that I haven’t just agreed to something insane/illegal/boring. I drink so much tea and coffee that I could out-drink a 90-year old grandmother in a tea-off, and still have room for a biscuit. Sometimes I go to bed at 9pm just because I can. The other day I realised, to my horror, that I had used the words “gosh”, “lovely” and “splendid” within the course of a five minute conversation. It was simply unacceptable. On the bright side, old people can get away with being offensive and downright rude 'because they're old'.

While my decline into the elderly life is going to be swift and inevitable, I am going to try my best to fight it off. I have the maturity level of a toddler, which helps, but this could also be mistaken for dementia. I look youthful enough and can still occasionally get away with purchasing a child’s ticket at the movies. So I’ll hold onto these last remnants of my adolescence for as long as possible, or at least until I go to bed at 9pm after my cup of tea and a biscuit.

This picture: Me and some friends, in about two years.